Ex’s Egg Sandwiches

I never made an egg sandwich for myself… always for him. I wanted to be the picture of domestic perfection. Gently waking him up with the smell of frying bacon and over-easy eggs. He’d grunt a good morning and then plop in front of the computer as I hummed to myself over a hot stove.

English muffins toasted so carefully. Eggs fried delicately, making sure the yolk was perfectly runny. I’d even melt the cheese under a broiler and draw a heart in Siracha… thinking of it now makes me a little dizzy.

I’d enter the living room in all my Stepford glory (if the Stepford’s wore sweats and oversized t-shirts) and present my little present. He’d tear his eyes off League of Legends for a second to thank me with a peck and then return to destroying minions or whatever he was doing. I would nestle on the couch and munch a bowl of what looked like birdseed (a girl-appropriate breakfast) and bask in the glory of being a good girlfriend.

Doing these things, special breakfast, scratching his back, folding his laundry, wasn’t for show though. I did these things, these house-wifey tasks, because I loved him and I thought he appreciated the effort. More, I thought he loved me too. Silly me, right? Love isn’t all egg sandwiches.

He left me. He burst into our home, drunk, at five a.m and told me he couldn’t date me anymore. He made it seem like it was my fault, like I wasn’t enough. He stole my furniture, people! He took my cat! He lied to me, he belittled me, he expected me to lay down and take it. And… for a time… I did.

Until I didn’t, dammit! Until I decided to live for myself. Make my own egg sandwiches for me. I vowed, never again! Never would I let myself be so caught up in someone that was such an unappreciative.. little.. prick. Yes, prick!

I call these Ex’s Egg sandwiches because I invented them for him, I tweaked them to his taste. But the hell with him. Let’s rechristen them – Emancipation Egg Sandwiches. I am liberated from the grasp of an ungrateful jerk and I will let the yolk run down my chin in triumph!

I hope you’ll find these little beauties as delicious as I do. Make them for someone you love, make them for yourself or better yet, find someone that will make them for YOU.

Here’s the recipe:

The lovely thing about these egg sandwiches is you can really put whatever you want on them! My ex was a fan of the egg, bacon, cheese combo with a little Siracha and mayo for sauciness.

To begin, cut the muffin in half and admire those nooks and frickin’ crannies.  Pop the muffins into a toaster and toast them slightly so the interior is a little crispy and can better withstand all the additions.

To fry the egg, melt a little butter in a pan. Butter is best.

Carefully crack the egg into the pan. Be sure to keep that yolk intact. Season with salt and pepper if you desire.

While the egg is frying prepare to assemble. Place your lightly toasted muffins on a sheet tray. Smother in mayo and Siracha.

Turn on the broiler. Top muffin – one side egg, one side cooked bacon. Isn’t this pretty?

Place the cheese over the egg and bacon. By putting the cheese on top and melting it you anchor the egg and bacon. – Do I put to much thought into sandwich assembly?

Place the sandwich under the broiler for ehhh 2-3 minutes until the cheese is melted.

Smash those halves together and watch that yolk run.

Don’t ask questions, just eat the sandwich. Let that yolk run down your chin and get ready to get greased up. There is nothing better than a piping hot breakfast sandwich to burn away the betrayal of an ex. Enjoy!