I’m a Seinfeld junky. I watch reruns and I’ve paid more than I care to disclose to see him do standup. He is the funniest, an actual riot. I was fortunate enough to see him do a show at the Beacon Theater here in New York, right around the corner from my place. I remember being doubled over with laughter, crying, choking, face red, I could barely breath I was laughing so hard. – What was he talking about you might ask? Poptarts. Yes. Poptarts. He said “I was about eight and they invented the Poptart and the back of my head blew right off.”
He gets it. Poptarts are amazing. Who wouldn’t love a flaky pastry filled with gooey jam, frosted and covered in sprinkles? They are perfect! I love the store-bought ones (yeah, I’ll admit it) but I love making them at home too. They remind me of my childhood and they fill me with pure happiness. Have you ever seen anyone eat a Poptart and be sad – impossible. I dare you to try. My recipe is so easy. It starts with a basic pie dough. Fill them with your favorite store bought jam or preserve, bake, and frost them in a snap! Here’s the recipe:
Poptart, toaster pastry, hand-pie, whatever you call it they all start the same, pie dough.
Put all your dry ingredients into the bowl of a food processor. Add the cubed, cold butter.
Pulse until the butter is the size of peas.
Add ice water a tablespoon at a time while the motor is running. Continue to pulse until the dough starts to come together.
Once the dough forms dump it out onto a floured surface.
Divide the dough in half. Pat each half into a disc and wrap in plastic. Place in the refrigerator and chill for 30 minutes until firm.
Once the dough has chilled, remove from the fridge and place on a floured surface. Roll out into a 12 x 10 inch rectangle.
Cut the dough in half horizontally and then into fourths. This will make eight equal rectangles. Repeat with the other disc for a total of 16 rectangles.
Transfer 8 of the rectangles to a parchment-lined baking sheet. These will be the bottoms.
Place a tablespoon of jam in the middle of each rectangle bottom, leaving a border. Brush the edges of the bottoms with egg wash.
Top the jam covered rectangles with their tops. Press around the edges lightly with your fingers to seal.
Crimp the edges with a fork if you desire. Poke six holes in the top of the pastries with a toothpick. Transfer the assembled poptarts to the freezer and freeze for 2 hours.
Preheat the oven to 375° F. Once the pastries have chilled, place in the preheated oven. Bake for 25 minutes, rotating halfway through, until the poptarts are golden brown. Transfer to a wire rack to cool.
Make the glaze: In a small bowl, whisk together the confectioner’s sugar, vanilla and heavy cream. Once the poptarts are completely cool, spoon the glaze over top.
Let the excess glaze drip off the edges.
Sprinkle with colored nonpareils and allow the glaze to set for about 10 minutes.
Now get excited because it is time to devour these little beauties and unleash your inner child on the world!
Homemade Poptarts
Ingredients:
2 cups plus 2 tablespoons of all purpose flour
1 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
2 sticks unsalted butter, cubed and chilled
5 tbsp ice cold water, more if needed
1 egg, lightly beaten, for an egg wash
8 tbsp of your favorite jam or preserve (I used raspberry)
For the glaze:
1 cup confectioner’s sugar
2-3 tablespoons milk or heavy cream (your choice)
Rainbow sprinkles
Instructions:
Begin by making the dough. Place the flour, sugar, and salt into the bowl of a food processor. Pulse a few times to combine. Next add in the cold, cubed butter. Pulse 10 – 15 times until the butter is the size of peas. Now, with the motor running, stream in the water until the dough forms a ball. Add a little more if it is still very dry and crumbly.
Remove the dough from the food processor and, using your palms, press into a ball. Divide the ball in to two equal halves and then flatten them into into discs. Wrap in plastic wrap and place in the fridge for 30 minutes to chill.
Preheat the oven to 375° F.
Once the dough has chilled, remove from plastic and place on a lightly floured surface. Working with one disc at a time, roll the dough out into a rectangle that is 12 x 10 inches and between an 1/8th and a 1/4th of an inch thick. Repeat with the other disc. Cut the dough rectangles in half horizontally and then into four equal portions vertically. Repeat with other disc. You should have a total of 16 equal dough rectangles.
Place eight of the pieces on to a baking sheet lined with parchment. Drop 1 tablespoon of jam into the center of each rectangle.
Take that lightly beaten egg and, using your finger or a pastry brush, paint egg wash around the edges of the square. Top the bottom squares with the other 8 squares and seal the edges by pressing down lightly with your finger.
Next, using a fork press around the edges of the dough to crimp them shut. Then, take the egg wash and brush it all over the top of the pastry. Finally, using a toothpick, make six holes in the center of the pastry.
Transfer the poptarts to the freezer for 2 hours or until firm.
Next, place the poptarts in the oven and bake for 25 minutes, rotating the pans halfway through the baking process. Bake until golden brown. Remove from the oven and let cool completely before glazing.
To make the glaze, whisk together the confectioner’s sugar and the milk until you have a smooth syrup-like consistency. If it is too thick – add a little more liquid. If it is too thin – add a little more sugar.
Place the tarts on a wire rack. Spoon gobs of glaze over the poptarts and let it run down the sides. Top with rainbow sprinkles. Let the glaze set for about 10 minutes before serving. ENJOY!