A and I dated for two years. He was a tight jeans wearing, earring sporting, Catholic kid, with an edginess that captivated me quickly. He was artsy, he was exciting, he was mysterious – until he wasn’t. In the beginning of my senior year he went abroad to Spain and I stayed put in Richmond. We stayed together for a time but his adventurous spirit got the best of him. I credit him for staying in touch, but the things he told me were not the things a girlfriend wants to hear. Late nights with unknown women in a foreign country, increased alcohol consumption – he wasn’t painting a picture that put my mind at ease. I trusted that he never crossed a line but I didn’t want to wait around until he did. So I decided to end it.

I had never broken up with anyone before, I didn’t expect it to be so difficult. I certainly didn’t think it would take place over a video conference call. In my mind I kept saying, “do it like a bandaid – RIGHT OFF!” We talked for about an hour, we both cried. We decided we’d see each other in the spring when he returned. Then we closed our laptops.

I needed a pick-me-up bad. When others reach for alcohol, cigarettes, or the intimate company of a stranger, I look to brownies.  In my moment of trauma I decided I needed  more than your everyday brownie, I needed a knockout. I wanted something so indulgent it would take my mind off my loneliness and so dense it could muffle the sounds of my dry sobs.

Store-bought simply wouldn’t do, so I decided to make my own – Breakup Brownies. I achieve a decadence that can distract by loading a rich, from scratch, brownie batter with chopped candy and then frosting it with a velvety chocolate buttercream. Am I crazy? Maybe.. but in my defense, I was distraught. I should mention that while they are perfect for those moments when you want to drown your depression in chocolate, they work wonderfully for happy occasions as well! I hope they will bring you joy and comfort as they have for me! Here is my recipe:

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Okay – step one, get your ingredients together (the full list is at the bottom) Once everything is gathered, chop your chocolate bars into small pieces so they will melt easily.

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Add the chopped chocolate and the stick of butter to a saucepan and heat over medium heat. Stir constantly so that the chocolate doesn’t burn!

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Continue to stir for about five minutes until the butter and chocolate are fully combined and smooth.

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Look at that gorgeous chocolate! Remove the melted chocolate-butter from the heat and set aside to cool for 10 minutes.

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Put the granulated and light brown sugars in a large mixing bowl and top with melted chocolate.

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Whisk the chocolate and sugars together until combined – it will look gritty and unappealing – like some men I’ve dated.

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Add the eggs one at a time – whisking after each addition. The chocolate will begin to smooth out and your ugly-chocolate panic will subside.

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Phew! It’s pretty again! Add vanilla.

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Whisk together the flour, cocoa and salt.

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Gently fold the dry ingredients into the chocolate-sugar-egg mixture. Make sure to stir in any dry pockets but be careful not to over mix. Nobody wants tough brownies.

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Add in chopped candy and chocolate chips. I used peanut butter cups, and puffed rice chocolate bars. Feel free to use anything chocolately.

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Spread into an 8×8 brownie pan lined with parchment. (The parchment flaps are for easy removal from the pan – but optional.) Place into the oven on the middle rack. Bake brownies for 25-35 minutes, turning the pan half-way through baking. I checked mine at 25 minutes by inserting a toothpick. It came out without any wet browning batter clinging to it so I removed them from the oven. If some dampish crumbs come out with the toothpick bake for another 5 minutes and then check again. Remove when your toothpick is clean.

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Voila! You’ve got Breakup Brownies!

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You didn’t think I was finished, did you? Not just yet….

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Using my amazing chocolate buttercream recipe, frost the heck out of these brownies! Grab some tissues, a Nicholas Sparks movie, (maybe a Scotch?), cut yourself a large slab (no one is judging), buckle up and let it flow, you’re one step closer to getting over your ex.

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Breakup Brownines

  • Servings: 12 brownies
  • Difficulty: easy
  • Print

Ingredients:
1 stick of butter at room temperature
8oz semisweet chocolate, roughly chopped
1/4 cup light brown sugar
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup flour
2 tbsp cocoa powder
pinch of salt
1/2 cup bittersweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup mixed chocolate candy, chopped (I used Reese’s pb cups and crunch bars)

Optional:
1 recipe dark chocolate buttercream
Rainbow sprinkles

Instructions:
Preheat the oven to 350° F.

Grease a 9×9 pan and line with parchment. Grease the parchment. Set aside.

Place the butter and chocolate in a small saucepan and melt over medium heat while stirring constantly. When the chocolate and butter are fully mixed, remove from heat and set aside.

Place both sugars in a large mixing bowl and top with melted chocolate. Stir to combine. Add the eggs one at a time, stirring after each addition. Add vanilla.

In a separate bowl whisk together the flour, salt, and cocoa powder.

Mix the dry ingredients into the chocolate. Stir until just combined. Add the chocolate chips and chopped candy and stir until evenly distributed.

Pour the batter into the prepared pan and place in the oven. Bake for 25-35 minutes, turing the pan halfway through. Once a toothpick comes out clean, remove the brownies from the oven and let cool completely before topping with chocolate buttercream and rainbow sprinkles. Enjoy!